When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This baby is an asshole
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
