I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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