trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
