Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
