Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Congratulations! We have a period
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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