Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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