Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
