i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
