My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
