My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
