she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
