420 ftw
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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