These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
