And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
