And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
