you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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