Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
