ugly people sure do ruin things
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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