I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
