I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
