Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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