when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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