i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
