At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
