the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
