I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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