bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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