I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
