sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
