the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
