lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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