Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
