Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
