he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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