you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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