roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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