this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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