So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
