I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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