yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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