I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
