im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
