He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
