My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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