my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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