Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
