my vag is so smooth its legendary
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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