don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
