tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
