his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
