The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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