my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
