the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
