so explain again why im purple
no
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
