Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
