So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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