oh god the rape fog is back!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there's paper in my vomit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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