I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
