just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
