i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
