I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dicks are not precious.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize