My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A bitchslap is in order.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
