GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
