i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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