Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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