Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
