It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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