two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize