what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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