I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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