I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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