You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
