I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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