I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
