god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
