i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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