dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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