i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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