why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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