Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
