Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
