While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
