This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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