she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
