He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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