Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
